Guest Post by: Jessica Ognian

It is my belief that everyone has experienced what its like to be the target of physical, emotional, and verbal abuse at some point in their lives. Its important to recognize that abuse is precisely what bullying is.

Our culture seems to view bullying a part of the childhood experience. The play ground hierarchy manifested into trying and at times brutal rite of passage. This ideology is present not only in the movies and on television, but also through shared stories of triumph and defeat passed down through generations. Perhaps in part due to its legendary heritage, many turn a blind eye to instances of childhood bullying. The only way we can truly change the way our culture views it is by personalizing the experience – and the documentary Bully does just that.

This documentary does an excellent job of depicting the emotional and physical toll that bullying has on the victims, their family, and society. The creators literally “take a walk in their shoes”. For me, the most astonishing revelation to me was the lack of support for these children in the school system. How can we, as counselors, create a healing and beneficial support system for them? A few other questions came to mind. What can we as counselors do to prevent bullying? How can we accurately identify when bullying is taking place?

The immediate answer that I thought of to all of these questions was education, not only for the children but also parents and school administrators. Because society tends to separate abuse and bullying, it’s vital to bridge these presumed separate concepts together. However, it won’t be that simple – and we cannot expect it to be. We as counselors cannot work alone to prevent, identify, and alleviate bullying. We need the eyes, ears, and minds of our community to help us in this quest.

This documentary is a great conversation starter – and I believe that is the first step in the pursuit against bullying. Since I’ve watched this film I have had several conversations with friends and family about how bullying has affected their lives and those around them. I was amazed to hear just how many of my close friends and family have been negatively affected by bullying.

I highly recommend that you take the time to see this documentary and get the conversation started.

Movie Review: Bully

Have you seen the movie “Bully”? My husband and I saw it together last month and thought that it was a nice representation of what goes on in communities daily. The movie showcased a significant amount of children who are verbally and physically attacked at school and on the bus by others. What made it hard to watch is that many adults made excuses for those who were the culprits of this type of behavior.
Bullying is something that is not foreign to me. I remember thinking that this was a rite of passage and that there was no escape from this type of peer abuse. My solution was to be as quiet as possible. I tried to remain invisible so that I would not be picked on as much. This worked sometimes but how is it a helpful solution to try and disappear?
I eventually realized that shrinking would only make the bullies happy and secure their victory. What I know now is that bullies come in many different forms. It is not simply a topic for kids. It is a topic for those who are in the workplace. For those who are excluded from campus groups. Bullying can effect any person and/or community. My goal is to make a difference and to allow those who feel like they have a helpful solute to share it with us. I was very impressed by the dad in the end of the movie who decided that he would stand for those who are silent and encourage others to do the same. What would you like to do to become a part of the solution? Tonight many of us are meeting at Max & Erma’s in Birmingham, MI to discuss the movie, solutions and efforts that we can bring to this topic. We’d love to see you there at 7:30.

Open for Business!

Today is our anti-bullying open house at the Hampton Inn, Northville! This is a great opportunity to find out more about who we are-what we’ve done and where we want to go in the future.

We’d love for you to join us at 20600 Haggerty Rd. We will be here until 6 p.m. Refreshments will be served!

Adventures in Anti-bullying

We are embarking on the end of the year and we thought it would be significant to look at the progress that we have made in 2011 in anti-bullying. Professionals Against Bullying has been able to host anti-bullying roundtables at various restaurants, businesses and establishments. These dialogue sessions have allowed people to speak about various topics surrounding the issue of anti-bullying and how they want to be a part of the change that is needed to make a difference. We have partnered with great sponsors and supporters such as Bonefish Grill of Novi, California Pizza Kitchen, Noodles & Co and so many more!

In Fall we had our 1st annual Anti-bullying back to school brunch to get teens ready for the year ahead. We created a student chapter at Oakland University called “Students Against Bullying at O.U.” this group is dedicated to providing solution oriented meetings and events on campus. This group has hosted events such as, Mean Girls Movie Nights, Brainstorm sessions for solutions and has also been able to partner with other organizations to showcase the importance of this cause. Dream Esteem Detroit was a big win that happened for Professionals against bullying when we allowed prominent professionals from the community to come in and inspire middle school children to be their best and not to bully.

Wayne State University played a big role in making this happen and a few dedicated people from Detroit Synergy. Rhonda Walker from WDIV spoke at one of our Oakland University events to remind our student body that giving back to those who might be victim to being bullied helps college students to stay focused on what matters most and spreads awareness. This year is not over. We are not done.

Yesterday I encountered a person who was being audibly mean in a campus center. Earlier in the week at the same center a person reported to me that they were mistreated by a person verbally. I’m standing up against this behavior because I know that when we refuse to ignore it-we take power away from the bullies. Next year should be a great one-because we are a part of the solution. I hope that you join us.
-Tara Michener

Changing lives is delicious!

Bullying is no piece of cake

When people unite-they can do miraculous things. The Professionals Against Bullying community has been very active this month. Royal Oak Noodles and Company welcomed us as we shared our story with patrons, discussed the topic of cliques and gave out a few prizes. I talked to a man who had been bullied all of his life and even as an adult still has residual feelings about his torment from his earlier days. I was able to share what “Students Against Bullying is doing at Oakland University with a room full of undergraduate and graduate students as well as faculty. How can you change lives? Are you working on a project that can make life a little bit sweeter for those around you? We’d love to hear it! I’m sharing a few of mine today at TEDx Detroit! I hope you share your thoughts in our comments section.

Progress Report on P.A.B.

Welcome back! I know that it has been a while since we’ve blogged but we have been making major progress globally through the social media sphere and right here in the Midwest! Our “Professionals Against Bullying” Roundtables have been able to engage a diverse group of community members and we have been able to live tweet our talks right to your screen. We started a campus  arm to share our message of anti-bullying to our future leaders and we are having our 1st Anti-bullying back to school brunch this Saturday for tweens and teens. We also are having our next roundtable on Monday at Noodles & Co. Northville from 4-9 (please join us!) We also have rolled out teasers for our Digital Safety Sessions for young people.

Do you want to get involved in our progress? Share your talent? Donate help or funds? Please let us know.

Read something great!

-Tara Michener

Guest post by Haley Jackson

Bullying isn’t just “kid’s stuff”. We’ve focused on this quite a bit recently, and I’m sure most people would agree. However, like most things, these sorts of lessons don’t always completely sink in until you see an example first hand.

 

I stopped to buy gas the other day, and was hit hard with one of those real life examples. I walked into the store to hear a female worker yelling across the crowded store to a friend about how she was “stuck” with the new guy who can’t do anything. At first, I hoped she was kidding around and just giving him a hard time, but anyone could see how embarrassed he was. The woman continued to yell about how this was his first day and her anger over being stuck training him as she made her way back to the register at the front of the store. She snapped at him, telling him to open a second register and let her handle the line, meanwhile, the entire line of people shifted over to her register immediately.

 

I stepped over to the new guy’s line. I was in no rush and I was completely disgusted with his co-workers actions. I refused to stand by and participate in her blatant bullying.

 

Unfortunately, actions like mine rarely happen. This is especially true in settings where there are a number of people present, due to things such as deindividuation and the bystander effect.

 

When you are a part of a group, you become deindiualized; you lose your individuality and become nothing more than part of the crowd. You tend to lose your individual identity and inhibitions against engaging in behavior that is inconsistent with your own internal standards. This has been proven to be true whether you are a part of close knit friend group, or in a mass of people walking down the street.

 

Along with deindiviuation comes the bystander effect. The bystander effect occurs when people become bystanders in a situation; often acting out of character by letting something negative happen to a person, be it physically violent or mentally and emotionally terrorizing.

 

The bystander is just as guilty as the terrorizer in any given situation. People tend to think that they are innocent and uninvolved simply because they didn’t say anything. However the fact of the matter is that because you said nothing, you assisted in putting someone down.

 

The crazy thing is that for most people, this is completely subconscious. Therefore the only way to break this cycle is to remain mindful of it!

 

Readers, I ask you to keep your eyes and ears open! Be mindful of your surroundings. Be the difference, not just another bystander.

Guest blog on bullying from our newest team member: Haley Jackson

“The average person tells 4 lies a day, or 1,460 lies a year. A total of 87,600 lies by the age of 60. The most common lie is I’m fine.”

Let’s face it, we’ve all done it. Someone asks us how we are doing, and almost automatically we respond, “I’m fine thanks, how are you?”. This is our answer despite the stress, anxiety, fear, or elation we may actually be feeling. Why is this? Are we afraid to let someone in? Are we ashamed of our feelings?

Or is it a result of being bullied? Are we being bullied into keeping our feelings a secret? Are we being teased to the point that we are sincerely ashamed of how we are feeling?

Bullying is not just a playground event; it doesn’t just occur in schools and in teen girl cliques or on sports teams. Bullying is real and it surrounds us every day. Bullying feeds this cycle of lies, because people try to defend themselves in every way possible.

So next time you ask a friend or a co-worker how they are doing, really ask them and take a genuine interest in their response. Next time you are asked, break the cycle! Don’t respond with the automatic lie of “I’m fine”, take a chance and be sincere. You never know what your honesty could do for someone else. Maybe it will give them the confidence to be honest with others and with themselves.

Bullying is not just kid stuff…

When I tell people about my advocacy work with Professionals Against Bullying they always ask me what ages are the kids that we work with. I always respond that we cover a myriad of age groups. Bullying happens in pre-schools and in senior citizen communities. Their is no age minimum or limit for someone to be involved in a relationship that involves bullying. Our June roundtable will cover the topic of adults being bullied.

What do you do when your bully is a boss? What if the bully is someone who has “power” over you? A client, landlord or any authoritarian relationship can use mediation and help if bullying occurs. What are your thoughts? Have you been bullied? Do you want to join us? Have you been accused of being a bully? Do you need help or encouragement? The roundtable in June is free and informative. We will only take up an hour of your time but we hope that the value is unlimited.

Bring your thoughts, ideas and suggestions to the table-we are working on making huge strides in our communities and  need your help!

welcome and excuse our dust as we settle in!

Thanks so much for your heart to end bullying. We are a grassroots organization that believes that when people work together anything can be accomplished. I have been a author and entrepreneur for almost four years and the same theme always comes up when I meet with young people. That theme is bullying. My books cover the topics of self-esteem, diversity and literacy. I realize that bullying is one of the biggest assaults against healthy self-esteem. I began a research project and advocacy group: Professionals Against Bullying and since then we have been able to organize focus groups, collaborate with leaders in the community, host roundtables and participate in making a difference on a large scale. I’d like you to join us if you are passionate about ending bullying & if you care for our communities. Many great things are on the horizon-please bear with us as we settle in to this space. For more info about me and my books visit www.taramichener.com